


everyone is better than me.

by trohmenace



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Brencer, F/M, M/M, brallon, ryden (past)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 03:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4206225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trohmenace/pseuds/trohmenace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>after ryan leaves him in the dust, brendon falls in love three more times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everyone is better than me.

**Author's Note:**

> title from "better than me" by the brobecks.

Spencer is the first, all fleeting kisses and long sessions of cuddling. There's no sex, nothing too intimate. They're both still broken, both still fragile, and neither of them thinks that they can handle that right now. They can, however, stare at each other long enough to make the pain go away, if only for a little while, so they do.

All that matters is that when Brendon presses himself into Spencer's side, he can feel Spencer's calming breathing and warmth fill the cracks in his heart, and that's enough for him for now.

It's not a rebound, not really. It was two people both needing to heal from the same thing, even if it was in the form of sleeping in the same bunk on tour and making breakfast for one another in the morning. 

He and Spencer are domestic, caring, loving, and it's a mutual feeling when everything sort of fizzles out and dies. The cuddles don't feel that great anymore - just sweaty, and the kisses feel like acting. 

After it, though, they both feel a lot better, and are actually able to go around without fake smiles. They don't talk about it much, but they both know how much they lifted each other up, and Brendon is still pretty damn sure he loves Spencer Smith more than anyone in the whole fucking world.

-

Dallon walks into his life, and Brendon thinks he is beautiful. He's charming, he's sweet, and his voice is gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. If Brendon is fire, then Dallon is water, and their personalities swirl together and balance each other out until they both go up in smoke. Dallon Weekes is the most beautiful fling Brendon's ever had.

Not just in appearance, but in the way he felt, as well. Dallon makes him feel safe, loved, and finally he can feel every ounce of Ryan, all the love that had once been there, leave his body. Their time is filled with long, passionate kisses and very good (possibly even spectacular) sex, yet at the same time they're also very domestic.

Brendon feels empty when he doesn't wake up in the same bunk as Dallon, and his heart just about explodes every time he catches those blue eyes, and his chest fills and holds every time they kiss, and he wonders if this is maybe what falling in love again feels like.

It's during one of their late-night sessions of intertwining and occasionally pressing sweet kisses to eager lips that Brendon breaks his own heart. He knows for sure that he's fallen in love again, and he doesn't think he can take that, for Dallon's sake. Dallon has a good life with a wife and kids at home, so Brendon draws away, hides deep inside himself again. 

And the worst part is that Dallon understands how Brendon feels, and gives him exactly how much space he needs with just the right amount of affection. It's worse than Ryan, so much worse, because he can't be mad, and he knows he still loves Dallon so fucking much that he has to curl his fingernails into his palms at times to curb himself from thinking about it.

It makes Brendon's chest ache, but sometimes they still hold each other quietly and sway together, alone except for the moving of the bus, the silence only penetrated by occasional forehead kisses.

-

Sarah is the last. She is safe, she is home, and when Brendon sees her, he knows he doesn't have to worry about anything. He doesn't have to walk around with the fear of a broken heart, and every part of his being feels warm when they're together. 

Not on fire, not burning, just a wonderful warmth that spreads throughout all of him. It's not Ryan, all hot and spitting molten lava out of fresh wounds. It's not Spencer, burning quietly and flickering for a while before dying. It's not even Dallon, a roaring flame suddenly soaked with the cold water of reality. 

It's her, and she is perfect to him. She understands him, and she loves all of him, even his flaws. This is somewhat crazy to him, and yet he loves her in the same way. And when they finally say "I do", he knows he's made the right choice by falling for the last time.

Falling down, down, right into her waiting arms.


End file.
